You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
