If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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