Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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