so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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