I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i think i have two assholes
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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