I just saw a hot homeless man
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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