your parents love me but you hate me
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
