in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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