Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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