Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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