I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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