i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
