I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
