I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
