I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
