the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
