Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
