in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
