When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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