The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
