"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
