You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
