I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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