Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
