I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
