So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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