I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
