I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
they need to just BURY HIM!
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize