I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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