And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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