Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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