A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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