I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
