We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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