Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
