I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
