It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
