I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
In America we eat man semen.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
