I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
