Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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