the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
