It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
