Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
