Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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