What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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