make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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