You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
What drink are we having for lunch?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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