the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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