The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize