I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
