Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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