woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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