Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
