Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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