If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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