he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
