I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
