there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
