I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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