TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We need to get me chipped asap
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
