hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
