wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
