Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
