Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(518): View more from New York

Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle

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(469): View more from Texas

You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.

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(214): View more from Texas

I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot

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(913): View more from Kansas

He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"

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(530): View more from California

So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?

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(862): View more from New Jersey

Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons

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(937): View more from Ohio

Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.

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(940): View more from Texas

I DEMAND FORESKIN

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