So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize